Jerseys and jumpers are a bleak reminder for most men; infused with memories of childhood angst, sweaters are an untimely souvenir of winters swathed in itchy, scratchy fabric.
I’m glad to say you need dread no longer; nowadays, improved manufacturing processes and source materials mean the prickly sweaters of old have been banished! They’ve been superseded with inexpensive cashmere, lavish cottons and supple merino, all spun by high-tech machines that don’t know the meaning of dropped stitches.
Pullovers have finally achieved a level of versatility your infant self could only have dreamed possible. It’s time to stop thinking about those dorky Christmas pullovers and start considering some sexy, snuggly sweaters.
Finding the perfect fit
The first mistake your parents made was ensuring your jumpers had plenty of growing room. To avoid excess flapping and sagging, pick a sweater that gently hugs your silhouette: the correct size shouldn’t bunch or droop but instead caress your form all over.
In terms of length, you need to find a jersey that sits a little below the bottom of the waistband; it should be sufficiently long that it won’t rise above your midriff when raising your arms, but by the same token doesn’t swathe your abs in excess fabric.
Finding the perfect style
There are multiple necklines available, each having a tendency to flow in and out of fashion depending on prevailing trends. If you want to play it safe stick with a crewneck; they rarely fall from favor and look flattering on most men.
Alternatively, you can always try a plunging ‘V-neck’. Be careful though; that open ‘V’ shape is predisposed to exposing unsightly chest hair: keep your torso concealed with a strategic fitted-tee underneath.
Finally, there’s the turtleneck. If you have a long, slender neck, you’ll find this design helps pull your upper body back into proportion. Stick with light fabrics if you do plump for a turtleneck – the last thing you need is reams of extra fabric puffing up your jowls and heating you to an unflattering ruddy complexion.
Finding the perfect fabric
With the multitude of options available it’s often tough deciding on the best weave to suit you. Thinner materials like cotton are great for layering and won’t add much bulk to your frame. Medium-thickness fabrics and cashmere are ideal for keeping yourself warm on chilly days, while multiple-ply wool should be reserved solely for those bitter winter evenings.
“What should I avoid?”
As always, novelty-based pullovers should be avoided, so throw out those trite slogan-drenched jerseys. Also be aware that chunky cable-knitted sweaters can appear baggy and bland: try lightweight alternatives which retain the decorative ribbing without increasing your bulk.
Finally, keep away from those loud patterns and crazy designs; it goes without saying that “wacky” clothing instantly saps the personality from its wearer. Instead stick to more subtle configurations.